Ready to Serve (2008)

I have seen through the bars.

There is no such thing as closure
Nor a resolution.
They only exist on the page or the media screen.
Changing my path, old habits should fade
But since this little girl came to be,
Reflections of self-reproach
Seep through my deeply hidden, rock sealed cave.

Some day she may question her worth,
Wonder why she was not chosen to dance,
Act according to some social standard
Dictated by her peers or observation of media fantasy.

What will I say?
How will I behave?

It's not that I was blind to the male motive;
I grew up believing a man would discover me.
In search of simplicity where complexity lies
The human connection vexatiously revealed,
Disillusioning my sense of being.

She may ask, "How could you give anyone such access to your mind?"
"This power I did not know was mine," I will bemoan.

Too many girls learn to view life through a lens
Not of their own conception.
Getting sucked into the cult of "female strife"--
Never satisfied with the pacing of their breath alone,
The clatter of their feet alone,
The mirror revealing their face alone.

Believing life to be a burden, years passed me by
Before the patriarchal bars were actualized.
I can never bury the past; it is who I have become.
It is who will teach this little girl that life and love are never done.

So the map to my cave is tattooed behind my eyes,
A place I hope my daughter never has to reside.
Someday, however, the deceitfulness of society
May cloud her perception, imprisoning her when least expected.
And my experience may be her only revelation.

I am ready to serve my sentence.