Melodies in Minor Key

As I walk outside and turn on my IPOD, I search for music that might reach down to the pit of my being and pull me out. I long to swim in melodies in the minor key. These songs capture my reality and enable me to float out of myself in order to review certain moments in my life. It seems whenever I experience a traumatic change in my life, I begin to doubt who I am, who I am becoming, and who I have set out to be. I suppose this doubt is a common response to such events as a dying parent. Nonetheless, its commonality does not change my mental status. So in hopes to rid myself of this doubt, I work to push feelings of rejection and insecurity back into my Pandora box. But like Sisyphus' rock, this doubt is relentlessly returning. As a consequence, I am experiencing moments of reflection, where I focus on a past event that has contributed to this doubt and consider what this says about me. It is painful to reflect on moments of vulnerability in past relationships. This has all been triggered by my father's decline in his ability to exist and also by acting as my mother's sounding board. I cannot help but think about how my father chose to live his life and his relationship with my mother. This leads to my reflection on my past and to understanding how my parents influenced my life.

I am venturing into an abyss. I fear I may never return. To avoid this venture is of no use. It's a siren who sings in the melodious minor key. The music cannot drown out her song for her voice increases in volume. I attempt to turn around, reverse my venture but her voice becomes claws that grip my wrists and drag me down this road. What will this reflection accomplish? I am afraid to find out, but I do not think I have a choice this time. So I will listen to the melodies in minor key and hope they speak to me.